Tift Regional Medical Center

Building a Functional and Fulfilling Stepfamily

IN SEASONAL HEALTH

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When a stepfamily is formed, the members have no shared family histories or shared ways of doing things, and they may have different beliefs. Getting to know each other, finding the common ground, and discovering new approaches to life can require a lot of effort. Building a strong stepfamily involves nurturing, sharing, understanding, and time. But you can do it and develop a functional and fulfilling stepfamily. Here are suggestions from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (www.aacap.org) and the Stepfamily Association of America (www.saafamilies.org) to help.
  • If possible, get to know each other well before marrying.
  • Acknowledge and mourn each other’s losses.
  • Develop new decision-making skills as a family.
  • Maintain and nurture the original parent-child relationships.
  • Foster and strengthen the new relationships between parents, stepparents, stepchildren, and stepsiblings.
  • Spend time alone together regularly and show affection often.
  • Be honest, open, and communicate clearly, respectfully, and positively.
  • Fight fairly.
  • Learn about the dynamics of stepfamilies by reading books by experts.
  • Resolve any sense of pain, loss, and bitterness that may be lingering from the previous relationship.
  • Encourage the children to express and understand their feelings, and teach them to express emotions in productive ways.
  • Know that instant love and it’s opposite—perpetual unsolvable problems—are both a myth.
  • Realize that all members of the new family are developing new roles and changing others.
  • Democratic discipline generally works better than authoritarian or permissive discipline in stepfamilies.
  • See the positive—it’s there. Stepfamilies have many strengths.

When Professional Support May Help Your Family
Hopefully, as your stepfamily grows closer, you will feel support and encouragement from within the family as well as from friends and your community. In addition, you can find it is support groups such as those sponored by the Stepfamily Association of America, Inc. (www.saafamilies.org). However, if certain negative feelings and behaviors just won’t go away, the support of a professional counselor may help you find solutions. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (www.aacap.org), visit a psychiatrist if the following signs persist:
  • your child openly resents or vents anger on a particular family member
  • one parent suffers stress and is unable to help meet a child’s needs
  • a parent openly favors one of the children
  • discipline of a child is left to only one parent rather than involving both
  • members of the family are not enjoying activities that are typically considered pleasurable
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